At the end of last year my last words blogged were....
"In a world of constant change, I will arm myself with only 3 tools, the
ability to live, the ability to laugh, and the ability to love. Some
days I may live without laughter, but I resolve never to live without
love. "
How little did I know that I would be called upon to live these words through the cusp of the 2016 New Year.
An early call from my mother on New Years Eve sent my husband and myself running over to my parent's house. My 85 year old father had been battling pneumonia, but had seemed to be recovering quite well until the night before. We arrived to find him wheezing, breathing with discomfort and utterly exhausted and weak.
Before the day was over, dad was taken to Hospital in an ambulance and after many hours at the Emergency unit, later that evening he was admitted into the Hospital's care. Throughout this time, my mother stood staunchly by dad's side not revealing the anxiety that the only man she loved for the last 62 years was looking frightfully frail and vulnerable. One can only imagine what thoughts were passing through her mind as she watched him struggle to sit up straight. Later that day my sister joined us by mum's side.
Overnight that first night in the hospital, my mother and husband spent the night with dad, holding him down as delirium took over him and his words became unintelligible. The next day I took over as I saw my dad in the worst condition I had ever witnessed. The delirium had taken over, and my father was lost in a world that I barely recognized. Moving in time from his youth to the present without pause or consideration to the reality that I was present in. At times I laughed at his utterances which made so much sense in an alternate universe. At times I cried as he pleaded with me to grant some need that I could not fulfill. No matter what illusion or delusion we passed through in the tiny emergency ward we were in, there was never a shortage of love.
The consistent thread in dad's mumbling was always my mother's name. They met as teenagers. Fell in love under the unsuspecting eyes of her guardians whom she lived with in Africa, and somehow managed moments of communication through love letters secretly passed between them with the help of mum's younger sister. This secret courtship took seven years before ending in marriage in India, with the blessing of my mum's widowed mother and her immediate family. My dad was 23 years old when he married. I am overcome with awe at the courage it took for mum and dad back in the day to secretly leave Africa separately without her guardians' knowledge of the imminent marriage, and travel so far to commit their love for each other. In a world of unwritten heroes, they are my personal heroes!
Through the emotional roller coaster with dad in hospital, there was one moment when I was alone with dad when he was in a lucid state. He held my hand tightly and asked " How is mum?"
I answered "Do not worry, she is okay we are taking care of her, you just get well and come home"
He looked at me and with a very shaky hand touched my face. The other hand was grasped tightly in mine. He gently stroked my face, and with tears in his eyes feebly said,
"Thank you. Thank you for looking after us".
Through my own weepy eyes I replied
"Thank you dad for looking after me my whole life. I love you"
Truly one of many special moments to treasure. Definitely a moment of living and loving.... I believe the laughter will soon follow.
