Friday, April 22, 2016

Words of wisdom from an unknown author...



Tish and Pingoo

There is a time in one's life when we read a dialogue and it rings true in every fiber of our being.  For me that time is now.
Watching my parents age with grace and dignity and battle illness with courage allowed me to find wisdom and perspective in these words. 
I have learned that in a lifetime we enjoy so much love, laughter and joy, but we also endure much pain - both physical and emotional.
I have loved and been loved dearly in my lifetime.  I have also lost people I loved through death which I have come to terms with, and through absence which is a little harder to reconcile.
I have however realized that I am in a good place.  Life happens... we learn, we grow and we always have to keep our hearts open to giving and receiving love.
- Lisette


These words were written by an unknown author.

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re downhill are the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Friday, April 8, 2016

April 2016 brings...my dad back in hospital again


My dad - My hero. Taken in the late fifties.

Earlier this year I blogged about my dad going into hospital at the beginning of the New Year, and his exit from hospital in February. A bitter-sweet moment for mum and dad.  Although dad was deemed ready to leave the hospital he could no longer return to the same house they had known since their arrival in Canada.  Reluctantly, and with great sadness they made a transition straight from the hospital to a retirement home.  It seemed the perfect solution for my parents since dad could no longer handle the 4 flights of stairs that he magically ascended and descended for the 43 years they lived in their own home. A home we all grew up in as we made Canada our very own new home.

We realized that dad's illness had taken a great toll on mum too.  She never complained and their difficulties only strengthened their bonds and their devotion to each other.  Living in the retirement home would give mum the assistance she deserved with meals already prepared, and smaller household tasks that the home provided.

My husband and myself had to embark on emptying my parents' home and moving some items to their new space.  I was surprised to find myself breathless after taking on the four flights in one swoop in order to get to the bedrooms.  I was filled with a new sense of respect for my elderly parents who fought tooth and nail to remain in their home despite their frailties.  We could not imagine how they handled daily living in that environment, albeit cautiously but never-the -less they made it quite well up to the bedrooms, and down to the basement to do their laundry.

I re-lived so many years of memories woven into the fabric of their lives - the excitement of moving in when we first purchased the home, to the many birthdays, anniversaries, our graduations, engagements, weddings, and finally the births of our children as the new grandparents glowed with joy.  So many chats across the kitchen table. Mum always ready with a cup of tea and something to nibble on as we chatted. Our dogs by her feet knowing that mum's cupboards also hid special treats just for them.  The traditional Christmas Eve family gathering that took place in this home for the last 43 years would finally be no more.  I quietly accepted that it was the end of a chapter, but that the story was not over yet.

With grandchildren came a side of my parents we never knew - a more forgiving, gentle, lenient approach to raising children, whereby they looked like heroes and we looked like ogres.
My children would call them when they needed comfort, or another ear to listen to their hardships, joys and achievements. Mum and dad affectionately known as Duppy and Nana were the soft place of comfort that my children came to rely on.

After close to 2 months in their new home, dad has returned to hospital. His devoted wife by his side day and night.  I was with dad yesterday while we forced mum to leave for a few hours to give herself a break.

In those moments alone together dad always delivers a special gift to me.  One that is made up of words neatly tied up with love and courage.  A gift that leaves me warm and fuzzy, and somehow gels the meaning of life in a few words from the heart.

Our conversation went something like this.  His eyes fluttered open from a deep sleep to find me sitting by his bedside.  After realizing he was in a hospital bed he looked at me and sadly stated,
" Lisette I am giving you lots of trouble"
Jokingly I answered, " Dad, consider it payback for all the trouble we gave you as kids"
Dad's eyes got misty and he said " You were never trouble, it was my pleasure looking after you"

No response was necessary!